I was just reading a blog I follow on facebook about how in Gods name people can handle more than one baby? The group I follow is an amazing group of women who all had babies around the same time. We have been following each other for a year now and I feel like I know all of them.
But this comment hit me to my core. How do people with multiple babies do it when I can hardly handle one? Some said it gets easier, some said it doesn’t. Some said no one knows what they are doing and we all just wing it. Actually, yes that is so true. There are no directions on how to be a parent. Just stupid social media suggesting how to be the “perfect” mom that looks like she has her shit together, but really doesn’t.
Dear mama reading this,
There are no directions, no guides, no right and wrong. Please, please don’t compare yourself to other moms, especially on social media. Moms should be supporting moms. I only have 1.5 kids really so who am I to talk, but one thing I have learned is let your heart be your guide. Your heart knows best and it will steer you in the right direction. Let them cry, don’t let them cry, nurse them sleep, no that’s bad to do that, why are you still nursing? Formula is bad for them! Don’t let them sleep in your bed. Feed them real food, no only give them purees. Why is your baby so fat? Why is your baby so skinny? Why do you still wear your baby? Why do you give your toddler the iPad in the store? Oh my God you’re still nursing? Why do you look so tired? Why do you workout when you’re pregnant? Isn’t that going to make your baby crazy? Maybe your kids are wired because you taught Zumba and ran when you were pregnant. Does your toddler have adhd? Blah freaking blah!!!!!
Do YOU!! Ignore everyone else’s advice, even mine. Do what feels right and then if doesn’t, do something different. Cry it out worked for my toddler at 14 months but it might not work for my second. Plus my second is my last baby so I kinda wanna sleep with him forever. He used to be the best sleeper ever, but now he’s attached to my boob at night and the poor thing is getting tons of teeth at once. I hate my husband at 3am when he’s passed out snoring hugging a pillow but I get over it!
My little man is huge and people ask when I’ll stop nursing. I don’t have a timeline so whenever it feels right and whenever I feel like it. It took me awhile to ignore people and from time to time I still second think what people say. I used to beat myself up for feeling like a bad mom. Juliana was the worst sleeper in the world. Up every hour, 10 ear infections before 1, cranky, screaming, up wanting to play, etc. Don’t let her sleep in your bed they said. But at the time I was desperate because I worked full time (still do). Then eventually I know it was time for cry it out. I never thought I’d be the mom to let my kid cry it out, but after she got her tubes in her ears and no more recurring ear infections, I knew it was time. There are groups on Facebook that don’t condone cry it out, so I got kicked outta there fast. But I did my own version and it took about a week. It was the week from hell, especially when Howie worked at the firehouse overnight. I had to go downstairs and put headphones on while she screamed for an hour and 43 minutes straight the first night. It got easier and then she did it!!! We had a few relapses but she’s 2.5 today and sleeps amazing – 10-12 hours a night with a few night terrors on the side! Little man is a different story but I’ll figure it out.
I’m not trying to sell cry it out, but I am saying that do what works for you. If you need to cry, cry. Find that one friend who will listen to you, even if it’s a quick text or call…Just to vent. Maybe find a blog or a moms support group. Take care of you even if it’s locking yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes to scroll Facebook or breathe with the lights off and pray your kids are fine outside the bathroom door.
Do you, don’t compare yourself to anyone, love yourself, lean on friends, laugh, cry, drink, eat, be. These moments will be gone before we know it.
Love you mama,
Love, another tired mama