Babies, Toddlers, motherhood

Dear Last Baby

Dear Baby Boy,

You are one year old today. I can’t really explain how much love my heart can actually hold. I remember carrying you in my belly for almost 9 months and I had no idea who you were- if you were a boy or a girl. I remember obsessing over wondering if you were a boy or a girl, but Dada and I decided not to find out because we wanted it to be a surprise.

I remember driving to the hospital going back and forth with Dada about what your name would be. Then, you were here and it was the most amazing moment of my life. It was love at first sight. Til this day, I will close my eyes and relive that moment over and over again. The midwife who delivered you yelled, “It’s a boy!” And at that moment, my heart melted into a million pieces. I never ever knew how much I could love. I remember being scared to share you with your sister and I was scared my heart wouldn’t be able to multiply the love, but my God I was wrong. You shimmied up to me and cuddled right under my chin. In that moment, I have never been happier or more complete. It was such an emotional day because I knew you had completed our little family.

When everyone came to meet you, the room filled with joy. It was the best surprise for everyone. You are the sweetest, most curious, chunkiest, loving, baby boy in the universe. You started out so calm. You slept through the night from the womb up until about 8 months (in the rock n’ play). You were NEVER cranky or colicky and you loved to cuddle against my chest in my shirt. You were my chill baby and you slept all the time.

At around 8 months, you became curious about the world and you’ve never stopped. Today, you are feisty, won’t sit still for us to change your diaper, you love to laugh at your sister, you love being outside, you don’t want to cuddle mama anymore and when you do, you usually try to fly out of my arms, you are chunky and sweet, you love Koko’s dog food and water, you love baths, and you love to cuddle in mama’s armpit all night long. You aren’t a cranky babe, but when your teeth come through, you are not a happy camper. I wish I could protect you from any pain.

Dear last baby, I love you and I pray that you continue to have this zest for life. I can see you riding dirt bikes and playing in the mud, but I hope you always want your mama. I pray you know how much I love you unconditionally. I pray you live your best life. I pray your heart stays the same as it is now- innocent and pure. This is a hard time for mama because you are my last baby. Because even through the sleepless nights and nap strikes, I would do this all over again because you NEED me and soon enough, in a couple years, I have to let you go into the world where I can’t keep you cuddled up in my armpit safe and sound from the harsh and scary world. Because you I love and hate this phase of life and I don’t want to say goodbye to this amazing chapter; the chapter that made me a mama of 2. Because I know you will conquer the world, but right now I can protect you and in a few years when you are independent and free (like your sister), I can’t always keep you safe and warm. I love you baby boy. Don’t ever change.

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