Fill your tank

I know I know. It sounds so cliche and I say it all the time. It’s the theme of this blog, but when I left work today, one of my colleagues saw the defeat in my face and she looked me right in the eyes and said, “You got this, girl.” Mind you, she lost her husband last year and I should be saying that to her.

It was a tough week. It felt overwhelming to balance my marriage, take care of my kids, work, the demands of the everyday life, friends, and family. The stress made me question what the hell I’m even doing with my life – the candle is burning at both ends and I felt defeated. Today is Friday and I couldn’t be more grateful.

I have a great life with great family and great friends. We are all busy and drowning in the everyday chaos, but it wouldn’t hurt to check in on them every so often. The mental load of motherhood or whatever cape you’re wearing in this season of life can break you. But know that it’s okay to feel every emotion- let yourself feel. Use your tribe to pick you back up- find a purpose and a passion and keep going for them. BUT most importantly, accept that you are worth it enough to keep going- do it for you. For me, my passion and my purpose are my kids and when I exert so much energy into my students, I run out of juice for my own kids. I may complain a lot about never having a babysitter or having help, but God do I love those little souls and I get so sad because they deserve ALL of me. Then when my strong willed girl runs to me and grabs my face to say, “I got you mommy. It’s okay,” I realized they are getting all of me-the 100% true real me and they still love me. And the thing about kids- they love with all their heart, no guards up, unconditionally with no judgment. Their meltdowns last a few hours (in our house they do), but they come out of it unscathed and ready to tackle the next big thing. Adult meltdowns? No one talks about them, especially on social media. We just post the sunshine moments. But what about those stormy moments? WE ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE THEM! Life is full of seasons with a few passing storms and we are allowed to dance in the damn rain. “I’m fine. I really am okay.” No, but you’re not okay today and that’s fine. When I was leaving work today and a colleague, who I hardly see, went out of her way to tell me that I GOT THIS, I felt so grateful and full. We are so busy emptying our own tanks for people that our tank is never full. Fill someone’s tank. Don’t judge them. Just fill their tank because when you’re down and feeling defeated, a little bit goes along way.

Thanks to those who fill my tank. There are times I feel like I am there for everyone else because naturally, my personality wants to save everyone. And when I feel empty and depleted I become a bitch and resentful and I hate myself when I’m like that. So please, fill someone’s tank, even if they look happy.

Remember, you got this. You might hate hearing that and you might feel so depressed that you’ve already given up in your mind. I have learned that if you find something or someone you love so much, maybe even more than yourself, then you begin to navigate your purpose and you start to see the sun. Sometimes, if you find the right love, you every start to love yourself and that feeling is the most amazing feeling- falling in love with yourself. Find your tribe. Find your purpose. Do the things you truly love without regret. Fill others’ tanks. Make sure your tank is full. Life is so freakin’ hard, but you got this.

Thank you to you for coming to check in on me today when you saw me with defeated eyes on the verge of tears. We are in different seasons of our lives, hers way harder than mine, and she still found it in her empty tank to fill mine.

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