Babies, Toddlers, faith, family, life, love, marriage, motherhood, prayer, self care

Gratitude & Fulfillment

Are you happy with your life? Do you feel fulfilled? Or only a little bit? It’s totally not normal to feel fulfillment every second of your life because if you did, how do you know what it feels like? Those times of wonder and questioning your purpose is normal and totally okay. Those times help us feel the good times.

We all experience many different seasons of life- the happy, sad, anxious, excited, nervous, depressed, dark, transitional, etc. We are supposed to experience them all; some way better than the others of course, some I am so afraid of feeling. But when you dig really deep- do you feel moments of content? Moments of gratitude? Moments of fulfillment? Are you stuck in a certain season and you don’t know how to get out? Do you feel satisfied or do you have to keep going to the next thing to feel it? Do you feel like everyone around you is growing and you aren’t?

Totally normal. With all the baggage we carry, all the chaos and responsibility of everyday life, it’s no wonder some of us are stuck in certain seasons. It’s no wonder we often forget to be thankful and actually feel fulfilled.

But when you direct your focus toward gratitude, you’ll find true joy and fulfillment. -Tony Robbins

I have learned that you need to find a passion, find a purpose, find a reason. It can change everyday- it can be God, your kids, your job, what makes you feel important, what makes you feel fulfilled, what makes you think- okay this is my purpose. When do you more of that, you start to feel gratitude. I start to feel content. This is a feeling I have been searching for for YEARS; content. I’m not saying settle and just stop because you feel content- this is an argument I sometimes have with my husband. He usually thinks it’s not okay to feel satisfied or content because that means you “settled.”He believes that you have to keep going, keep learning and keep chasing your dreams. While I totally agree on all of those things, I think it’s also important to feel grateful and feel those moments of satisfaction, gratitude and fulfillment throughout your journey- like I always say, fill that tank. He feels all those feelings, but we are 2 different breeds. My fulfillment looks different than his, just like it would for yours.

Recently, I have discovered God. I have always “believed” but I wasn’t really quite sure what I believed. I didn’t grow up in church and I was never Baptized. My dad became a born again Christian in his 30s and really pushed religion on me, which actually made me more aversive to it. I went through high school and college never knowing what to believe. I still have a million questions but I can remember a specific time I fell to my knees and accepted God with all my heart. I was struggling so much during this time in my life (about 10-11 years ago) after graduating college, life and heartbreak hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt defeated and I was in the season of dark and depression. I didn’t feel gratitude or fulfillment for years and I kept searching for that feeling of content. To me, it looks like this: I wanted to feel healthy, beautiful, excited, loved. I wanted to feel like I had a purpose and I wanted to feel whole in my heart. I am a hopeless romantic- I LOVE LOVE. I am that annoying sappy cry at every movie want to drink wine and listen to Norah Jones and cry just because.

I met my husband and had KIDS and HOLY mother, I felt like if I died right there in that moment, I served my purpose. I was supposed to be a mom. With my first baby, I couldn’t stop crying, holding my little baby against my skin and crying, thanking God- re-discovering him after my broken hearted plea on the bathroom floor of my apartment in college. I met him again the day I met my daughter. And then again I met my son. And HE KEPT SHOWING UP. He didn’t give up on me. He showed me greater love and He showed me that we have to go through these seasons in our journey to discover what makes us happy, what fill our tank. He made me realize what gratitude was and how it’s related to fulfillment.

Not every believes in God and I am by no means pushing it on anyone, but believing in him gives me a new sense of joy, a new sense of letting go of the freakin’ wheel and realizing I don’t need to know everything.

Take aways? My kids, my husband, our little family that we created, vacations, sunshine, the feeling I get after I run long distance, and GOD make me feel happy. Money is important to me, of course, especially because I hardly have it (haha), but I have realized that money doesn’t make my world go around, love does. Believing in something does. I just recently joined a new church with my husband and our whole family goes every Sunday. We JUST joined a month ago and it makes me feel whole. It makes my husband cry. We hold hands and we feel a feeling we can’t describe. Not sure what it is, but in those moments all is right in the world.

Today, I feel healthy, happy and content. I love my job and my job family. I have the best parents and in laws a girl could ask for. I don’t have a real sister, but God gave me my sister in law/best friend. We don’t see each other as much as we should thanks to the craziness of life, but that seems to be the norm today. I love my side jobs- teaching kids in China and teaching Zumba. I am so blessed that I am able to run in my own basement as many miles as I want (some call it OCD, I call it sanity/OCD). And most importantly I have 2 of the sweetest craziest loving think I’m a celebrity kids (and I hate calling them kids because damnit they can’t grow up ever).

I hope this season lasts forever and ever. Go find your happy, your gratitude and fulfillment. It can be anything. Life can get crazy. Don’t forget to stop and dig deep along the way.


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