People who know ME- I mean really know me and my soul know they need to handle me with care. I don’t do well with tough love. It’s not my jam. My biggest trigger is feeling like a nuisance and while sometimes it is in my head, usually it’s not. I grew up feeling like a nuisance and I won’t get into details, but I will try my hardest to make sure my children don’t ever feel like I did and still do at times.
I am a sensitive soul and while sometimes it can be a superpower, most of the time it comes back and bites me right in the ass. Side note: I am also married to Mr. Military and he is still learning how to handle me with care. I’d like to think I am a rare breed and by no means am I bragging because believe me, most of the time I wish I didn’t feel everything so much. Imagine feeling everyone’s energies including your own. Imagine thinking ALL day long and obsessing and overanalyzing every tone and beat of your life and others. When I was a kid, I used to pray that I was black because I felt so bad for Rosa Parks and was disgusted that I was white. I swear sometimes I just can’t handle “feeling” for others. I just can’t help it. And ME? I’m already enough to handle. I can’t handle anything else.
Ironically, I love being the therapist. I know I was supposed to be a therapist/nurse. That is totally my calling, besides being a nurse. I honestly am not sure I am cut out to be a teacher, but I totally know I was supposed to help people. I LOVE to listen, de-escalate, calm, and help people in all forms. But, I can’t seem to help myself. Some people think of me as weak. My own husband has theories that people who cry a lot, break down, and can’t have boundaries on feelings are weak. I don’t buy it, but when I’m in that place, I do. I like to think of my breed as highly sensitive individuals, who have a keen ability to sense what people around them are thinking and feeling. I guess if I was asked if I’d rather feel more or less, I would rather feel more because those good feelings on the soul outweigh the bad feelings.
If you love me, PLEASE know that I don’t do well with criticism. I become defensive and I put up a wall. I usually cry because then I feel like I am not good enough. Give me some time to let the criticism marinate and I come back stronger and more accepting.
If you love me, let me vent. I don’t need answers or help. I just need to dump out the clutter to clear my soul, heart and mind. I’m sorry if it sounds selfish, but I would do it for you in a heart beat. I, fortunately, know how to separate my feelings from yours and I love to listen to others. It’s my calling.
If you love me, please don’t yell at me. It’s degrading and mean and it only makes me shut down and feel like crap. I wish I was more confident and dominating and intimidating but apparently God wanted me to be like me. Again, when you yell I become defensive and overanalyze everything about myself and you.
If you love me, respect me. If I call you and you answer the phone, talk to me and be patient If you are busy, just say: I am so sorry I am busy, can I call you back? Be nice because when you’re not I immediately feel like a nuisance. Feeling like a nuisance does a number on my soul and if you love me, you don’t want that for me.
If you love me, learn about my language. My love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts (NOT tangible).
1. Words of affirmation
People with words of affirmation as a love language value verbal acknowledgments of affection, including frequent “I love you’s,” compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, and often frequent digital communication like texting and social media engagement.
2. Quality time
People whose love language is quality time feel the most adored when their partner actively wants to spend time with them and is always down to hang out. They particularly love when active listening, eye contact, and full presence are prioritized hallmarks in the relationship.
Gifts is a pretty straightforward love language: You feel loved when people give you “visual symbols of love,” as Chapman calls it. It’s not about the monetary value but the symbolic thought behind the item. People with this style recognize and value the gift-giving process: the careful reflection, the deliberate choosing of the object to represent the relationship, and the emotional benefits from receiving the present.
If you love me, take the time to understand ME. If you don’t have the time, you don’t need to be in my tribe. I am a good person. I love hopeless romantic love, I love helping others, I get overwhelmed and anxious frequently, I hate rushing, I hate snakes, I can’t wait to move to North Carolina, my soul is happy at the beach, I love family, I love kind and patient people, I have too many expectations’, and I feel too much. Not much more you need to know.
If you love me, understand that you cannot change my sensitivity. YES, I am different and anxious and sensitive and a apparently not everyone is like this, although I think they just don’t admit it. I am sensitive and intuitive and I easily get overstimulated. I cry and I see the beauty in everything. I can literally feel the pain of others and I can tell when someone is sad.
Don’t cage me. I am not being negative, I am like a damn bird and I need to be able to fly freely to wherever my emotions take me so if I wanna cry, let me cry. If I wanna vent, complain, and/or be happy, let me. There will be highs and lows and twisting and turning in-betweens. If you cage me and invalidate my feelings I promise you I will lose the light that guides me. If that happens, I will shut down and the love I have to give gets tucked pretty deep inside of me and then I become bitter.
I need time alone, preferably at the beach. I know it sounds dumb, but when I am at the beach alone with God- it does something to me. It wakes my soul and I usually cry good tears. It’s a release and I need an emotional release frequently. Everyone does. I need support. I promise I am not selfish. I will be there for you through it all. I need emotional support, not hard, bossy, mean, abrasive support. Loving support. I don’t need you to call me back right away. I don’t even to see you everyday. The best kind of friends are the friends who are connected at the soul and know they will always be supportive of you. SUPPORT goes along way in many forms. Also, make time for emotional release ALONE. It really helps.
I hope this didn’t come across crass. I have a lot of work to do and I am still learning about myself. But I do know that I am worthy of these people in my life; caring, loving, supportive, sensitive. So thank YOU to all of my understanding souls and tribe. As humans, we need to do a better job understanding each other. This isn’t just about me. It is about all of us and how if we can just take the time to understand that we are ALL different from each other, we will do better.