Are you okay?

Are you okay? No, I’m tired. I’m done. I’m exhausted. I’m spread too thin. I feel like I can’t breathe. You need a break. You need self care. You need to stop going going going. You need to let something go. Have you ever felt like this? Like you exude so much energy towards everything around you that you burn out so quickly and are empty? Just to realize it’s really your own fault. When you’re a mom with a full time job I swear there needs to be some sort of award. Not just moms with full time jobs- moms. Period. Okay, everyone deserves an award these days. We are trying to navigate this new world that is foreign to all of us. We are trying to manage everything and everyone around us and not in a bad way. We are trying to keep a job while balancing real life. But we work 40 plus hours and spend more time at work than we do with our families and then on the short weekends that we do have, we are so empty that we feel like we can’t give anymore. We are trying to manage everyone’s emotions and if you’re anything like me (an empath to the 100th degree, you feel everyone’s emotions and energies and you just want everyone to feel okay. For the love of God I feel bad for prisoners and cry if someone cries and cry just because I’m sad. I know when people are mad (at me) or in general. I know when people feel overwhelmed and then I want them to not feel overwhelmed so I try to take it away. I know when people are shy or nervous and feel awkward so I try to hard to make them feel comfortable by acting like an extrovert because I feel so bad for the person that I sweat through my clothes because I’m nervous too. I take everything personal and I feel bad for everyone. I want to help everyone and be there and then I fall apart with no one there to pick up the pieces. I don’t want to tell anyone how I feel or that I fall apart because I’m afraid to make them feel bad or feel my energy. I only feel connected to only a few people who know my true soul. I’m a hopeless romantic to the millionth degree and I love love so much, but I was so burned in my past that I can’t let my wall down and I act like I don’t care or want that anymore. I try to manage my kids emotions and pray they are okay and feeling happy because I’m so afraid for them to fall apart and cry and feel sad. I want to buy them every toy because I love when they are happy and not feeling stressed but then I don’t want them to be spoiled and learn they can get whatever they want. I need a break because I go from teaching English to kids in China to running to rushing out the door with at least one kid giving me a hard time so I put them on the iPad and pray they don’t get addicted or dinosaur neck since the news says kids can get a weird bone spur in their neck from staring (hahaha). I’m trying to schedule every doctor appointment, pack star of the day work, homework, snow gear, lunches and get the kids ready to wherever we go next. I’m trying to get to work on time so everyone doesn’t have to whisper about how I don’t get to work on time or that I don’t do anything. I’m trying to include self care by running and reading because running is like medication to me and reading is like meditation, but most of the time it’s with my kids or I’m too tired to read. I’m trying to be a good wife but I neglect my husband because I’m either working, doing all of the above (sometimes at the same time), he’s working for days, or we are too tired to even talk/ our kids are screaming in the background because they miss us. Side note since this blog has ADHD written all over it- I teach English to kids in China because I love the kids, it’s easy and I pay my Target bill. I am starting to slow down because I’m sure my now you want to yell at me because my bag is about to explode or you are saying- holy shit me too. I’m sure it’s both, but the amount of thoughts and feelings and responsibilities as people- not even just moms, but all of us in this world. The expectations we have today are hard. We let things go or empty our bags just a little bit to have more creep it’s way in and we consistently end up overwhelmed and rushing our way though life. There has to be a better way. And yes I see all the articles about how hiding in the bathroom from everyone that needs you isn’t self care at all. That’s a get your self together and breathe because you are always needed and you just don’t want to be needed for a second.

Am I okay? I will be. But do me a favor and check on your friends. Ask if they are okay and if they need anything. Most likely, they don’t need anything. For me, I just need to unload the beast of the thoughts that swim around my brain and all the things I need to do- I just need to unload my feelings and not project them or have you internalize them- but to just be me and cry or let it out. I just like to be asked if I’m okay. I just like to feel appreciated and loved and occasionally have someone else fill my tank- not myself because sometimes I just can’t get to it. Life can be overwhelming and busy and hectic and chaotic and it sometimes feels like the weight of the world is swallowing you whole. But me? My soul likes to hear that I am doing a good job at life and that I got this. And sometimes I just like to be asked if I’m okay. Think about what you need. Don’t be afraid to put it out in the universe. And if I don’t know you and you come across my blog, know that you are not alone. I’m not a depressed human trying to write this blog as a plea for help and even if I was that’s okay. But I do want you to know that it’s okay to reach out and that you are doing way better than you realize. You are beautiful and amazing. We are all different and our souls require different things and that’s beautiful. I hate my genes and I hate that my body and mind can’t slow down no matter how hard I try. I often hate how some people view me and I hate how I can’t just be chill. I’m working on it but when you feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, our systems tend to crash- and that means our heart soul and mind will crash. Know your triggers. Know when to ask for help and be okay with it. Know that we all require something different – I like to call it life language. There’s a book for love language and there should be a book for life language- we all know mine is sensitive empath. Know when to reach out to your friends- or even your not friends. Just be a kind human. I promise you- life is hard but it’s so worth it. These low times, these “I’m not okay” times- they make the other parts of life shine. And just because you might be an empath or you’re overly emotional, doesn’t make you weak or mean that people can walk all over you. Pick yourself back up and use these superpowers because you are the light. Shine your light.

Please feel free to reach out to me if you ever need someone ❤️❤️❤️

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