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I’m a battery

A battery never lasts unless it’s recharged. All light eventually will go out. Things with power will eventually run out of power if it’s not recharged. We cannot be ON all the time. Even the most patient and kindest soul just can’t be on at all times. It’s so hard. Life these days. Balancing it all. Wearing 800 hats. Always being on. Even with a quick “recharge” it’s not enough. Something has to change. The idea that sleep is for the dead or that rest is for the weary is a cyclical and unethical way of thinking.

I love to work hard. I love to help people. I have many strengths but a HUGE weakness of mine is not being able to create boundaries within my heart and soul. I’m such an empath that I worry about what everyone thinks and if I even try to speak my mind or “I’m done being walked all over” and seem reactive I’m a bitch. If I let people walk all over me I’m passive or too nice. That word balance will be the death of me. I just can’t do it. I can’t block feeling other peoples feelings. I’m trying to manage all the people around me- all of their feelings and emotions. For what? So I can feel worse? I’m trying to manage all my students and their feelings and schedules and it’s too much. I’m trying to manage my own children and then my own life and all the other things that aren’t my job. Our jobs become our lives. We lose touch with our lives because we are inundated with all the things. All of our things will look different. All of our thresholds are different. All of our boundaries will be different. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all reach a burnout at one point and instead of judging let’s just be there and let people just be whatever feeling they need to be without judgment.

What if we created space for ourselves to breathe everyday? What if, even when you have kids, for once you don’t feel guilty for giving them a preferred activity like the stupid iPad just so you can you not have to think? What if you finally put yourself first? What if for once you stop betraying yourself to make someone else happy? What if you finally say no to something that doesn’t serve you or feel right? What if you could just speak your mind without fear of being judged? Yeah, all of these won’t happen all the time or be aligned but we have power over our own life? For me? I love my job and I love my students more than most people probably realize. It’s a deep thing for me as I guess sometimes I feel like I can save everyone. My freedom begins the day I realize I can’t. The day I am able to create the boundaries and not think about it at 3am. The day I stop counter-transferring things onto my own kids. The day I stop trying to control and manage everyone’s emotions so that everyone is happy. I day I realize I’m mama first and teacher second. The day I realize I control my life and the way I feel.

I’m a battery and I’m trying not to run out of power. But that’s up to me and I’m learning that everyday. I vow to put myself first… okay, at least try. I vow to tap out and find the judgment free tribe to lean on. I vow to plan more things for me because we all know we cannot pour from a empty cup. Most importantly I vow to remember I am a mom first and a teacher second.

I’m fine and I will be fine but I want to normalize feeling like a battery- feeling burnt out. It’s okay to feel like that. We live in a fast- paced world where the expeditions exceed our emotional and physical capacity. I realize not everyone is in this state, but just check in with those around you. We are all evolving and learning. As for me, I’m learning so much about myself and I am so thankful for my judgment free tribe.

We are all batteries just going and going and going and if we don’t recharge- I mean fully recharge/ turn off, we will end up on empty. Empty ain’t pretty. Love you all.

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