Babies, Toddlers, birthdays, emotion, family, love, motherhood, parenting, surviving motherhood

Dear Hudson, You are FOUR

Dear Sweet Boy,

You are such a blessing to my life and I love watching you grow, but as I always say, it breaks my heart at the same time. Do I pray for you to stay little? Or do I pray you won’t ever struggle or feel pain? I live my life for you and your sister and I can’t even begin to explain how my heart feels everyday- one second it’s about to explode with love, the next I am crying because you both are growing up so fast that it reminds me to slow down. I want to remember these moments so I try to take pictures in my head. The moments where you need me every second of everyday. The moments when you love me even on the days I forget to love myself.

You are boldly beginning to show your amazing personality and I am so proud of your heart. You are unapologetically you and only you. You aren’t afraid to show your true colors and you love your sister so so big. You love Daddy so so big. You love Mommy so so big. You love your whole family so so big and you love having “parties” with everyone together. Your heart is so pure and innocent and I love you so big. 

Honestly, I wish I could change some of the realities that have already happened in your little life. The health journey we have been on together, the not knowing, the hospital visits, the stress in our faces that you can probably feel at times, the sleepless nights, COVID, the push and pull of life, etc. I want to protect you from everything bad. I want to protect you from everything in this unpredictable life.

You are the calm to my storm. The ying to my yang. The peace to my crazy days. The love I wish I had for myself. God knew I needed you more than I did. There is this hole in my heart that you completely filled. My little boy- you have saved my life and I will never ever begin to explain to you why or how. You have this calmness to you that makes everything okay and I am forever grateful.

Don’t ever change baby. I see you and your heart.



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